paper root

conversation with myself

September 29, 2014 at 11:49pm
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Unsolicited Dick Pics Through the Ages: A Selected History →

Clovis, New Mexico. 11,000 B.C.E.

A young Paleoamerican man sits atop the corpse of a freshly-killed baby mammoth. He holds a piece of tusk and a fluted spear point that is still covered in mammoth blood. He uses the spear point to scrape away at the tusk until it vaguely resembles a dick. When he is finished his carving, he walks up to a young Paleoamerican woman and just sort of pokes her with it, without even saying anything first.

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None-Of-Your-Beeswax Deodorant


It’s been over a year since my first foray into homemade deodorant and last week, I finally ran out and decided it was time for an upgrade.

My original recipe was way too moody. During the summer (especially in my un-airconditioned apartment) it completely melted and all the solid bits slid to the bottom. During the winter, it was so rock-solid that part of my morning ritual became using a knife…

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August 28, 2014 at 6:30pm
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Women on Their Favorite Tools →

August 16, 2014 at 3:49pm
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Can You Pass Manhattan's Newest Preschool Admissions Test? →

A: My nose is hurty but I can’t stop scratching
 Daddy is a man. Mommy is a person. Daddy is a flying away on business man. Mommy is a person.
Dogs don’t use money but I have I have a red truck in my house, I have a red truck I got last month

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Potential Has a Shelf Life

dress before and after

Margaret Atwood wrote that “potential has a shelf life.” In this case, sometimes potential lives on a shelf.


August 7, 2014 at 9:20pm
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August 6, 2014 at 1:56pm
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Things I Found In the Closets of my Childhood Bedroom (And Have No Intention of Throwing Away)

I don't know either

Yesterday I arrived in the unnamed portion of Ohio that I called home for fifteen years of my life. If you’re wondering, it’s not “unnamed” because I’m trying to protect my privacy; it’s unnamed because it’s a vast expanse of suburb that quite literally has no name. 

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Historical slang terms for sex

Historical slang terms for sex